just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
