I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
