Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
