I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
