fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
