I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
