I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
