White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
