do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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