And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
