fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
