My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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