marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
