i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
