I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
