he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
