his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
