whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
