Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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