I didn't shave. On purpose
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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