Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
