I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
