Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
