So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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