the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
