I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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