I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
