I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
