Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
