You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
