I CAN MOONWALK!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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