Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
