I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
