so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
