party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sober January is a disaster.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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