Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
