wat bout pragnant strippers??
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
