I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
