Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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