Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
