So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
