my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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