yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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