Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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