"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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