Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
