wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
