whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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