oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
