i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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