Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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