Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
